D posted a while back (about a year ago, actually) about the status of his…you know…reproductive material…here’s the chart, for quick viewing:

At our last IUI (in December) the numbers were dismal: volume was only .2ml (that’s POINT two, not 2) and total motile count was 1.4 (one point four) million; normal count is 16 (sixteen) million. Motility and morphology have stayed around the same numbers for a long time, so we haven’t worried too much about those numbers. It’s interesting to note that while those parameters have improved, the count consistently decreased over time over the course of the past 2 years.

Since that last awful sample, when we were told that we’d have to do IVF with ICSI because the count was so low, D has been going to acupuncture, taking herbs, getting back on special fertility supplements (FertilAid), and eating less crappy foods and more cooked veggies, beans, etc. I worried that it was all for nothing and I spent the two days waiting for results in an anxious state, worrying that the count would go from one million to zero, or something like that.

But I finally got the results; I had to go in the next day to pick them up because the nurse wouldn’t give me the details and I was desperate to see all the numbers on paper.

Motility & morphology are about the same (41% and 7%). Those seem to be ok – on the low end of normal (40% and 4%), but still above the minimum. Volume went from .2ml to 2ml. And the total motile sperm count went from 1.4 million to 18.9 million. Normal is above 16 million.

Something worked. We’ll never know for sure if it was the diet changes, acupuncture, herbs, supplements, or just random, but I feel like it was really a mixture of everything we tried. Our acupuncturist doesn’t think we need IVF. D doesn’t think we need IVF. I am willing to wait a little longer before we jump into IVF as well; I can think of a lot better things to do with $13,000.

We’re going to push IVF back a little longer; at this point, what’s another 3 months? We wouldn’t be able to start until June anyway, but because of several factors we’re going to wait to start in August or September. We booked a trip to Mexico for our 9-year anniversary. My three best friends are coming to visit in July. We might have some other things going on as well. And we have a little shred of hope that we won’t need it after all. And if we do, we will absolutely, definitely be ready.

We are relieved that we are seeing some improvement; even if we do get to IVF, that will help us out tremendously. Yay for good news!

Just to give you some history:

My husband D and I have been TTC for 4 years next month (which I honestly cannot believe). Our first roadblock was a varicocele, which was repaired, and now we’re dealing with a low count and some other parameters on the low side. Our official diagnosis is “mild male factor.” Then I had a hysteroscopy to remove a huge polyp in my uterus in January 2010 – we thought that was the magic ticket. We then tried 4 IUIs and were about to start IVF, but discovered the polyp had grown back in the same spot as last time. I guess it just really loves me. So I had surgery again last week. We’re currently in a three-month holding period before we can jump into IVF, mandated by insurance even though the only thing they pay for is the occasional office visit and some of the bloodwork.

So we’re just waiting again, waiting for the time to pass so we can actually do something. In the meantime we have 3 chances to “try on our own,” which we will, with everything we’ve got, but we’re planning and ready for IVF at the end of it. It’s good to have a solid plan for once.

Thanks for stopping by!

It’s hard at this point to sit and write about our “history” because it almost doesn’t seem to matter any more, but just to give you some background: Trying for over 3 1/2 years. Varicocele repair to fix low motility and 0% morphology (it’s gotten much better). Hysteroscopy to remove huge polyp. 3 canceled IUIs. 3 completed IUIs, all BFNs. (And can I just say here that I HATE that wordpress/whoever doesn’t recognize varicocele, hysteroscopy, or IUI as real words.) In all these years, the only hint of a second pink line I’ve ever seen was the months I tested out the trigger. Our official diagnosis now is mild male factor.

After 3 1/2 years it gets harder in some ways and easier in others. I don’t have that sense of devastation every month, because I don’t have that sense of hope. I can go on Evil Facebook these days without having an emotional breakdown (though that might be because everyone who is pregnant or has babies is hidden). I can go on with my daily life and, well, live. In the course of a normal day, I mostly do OK. I have breakdowns and hours of uncontrollable sobbing, but it’s not on a super regular basis.

I made a huge mistake last night though. I was invited to a gathering of people I didn’t know, and I went. One of the hostesses is a friend who I see on a limited basis and who I had somewhat bonded with over infertility issues (though hers were MUCH different than mine, and she has kids). I got there only to find out that every single other person there was a mom. One had just given birth weeks earlier.

And that was All. They. Talked. About.

Breastfeeding and parenting and craziness and lack of sleep and how your body sucks after pregnancy. And I wanted to hit them, or at least scream. The one with the newborn made some comment about something (can’t remember exactly what, since she made comments all night) and I almost, almost snapped at her and said something along the lines of “well at least you have kids – do you know how many people would kill to be in your shoes, to face the minor inconveniences to your current lifestyle, just to have what you have?” But I bit my tongue.

I felt empty and I felt broken and I felt barren, and I felt completely out of place. I had nothing to add to the conversation. I had no idea what their lives were like. I wanted to leave but I couldn’t find a way out for awhile. It made my heart hurt. I left in tears and came home sobbing. I regretted going 100%. I’m trying to regain my social life, but after nights like that I wasn’t sure if that was the best idea.

Mostly I’m ok. But some days, not so much. And some moments – or events – I can barely keep it together.

But I think that’s how these things go.

Ok.  That’s out of my system.

Stacie’s not the only one with ability to share TMI.  This post is all about my stats (I’m talking about semen… you know that’s required to make a baby, right? Don’t let it scare you.  Let it free you.).

From the chart below, you can tell we’ve been at this for a long time.  On May 22, 2008, I went to see a urologist specializing in male infertility.  He knew immediately that I had a bilateral varicocele (Which basically means varicose veins of the ) . He had me do two semen analysisesesS’s two months apart. Count was ok, but morphology (shape) was horrible. Not a normal looking one in the bunch, plus they were a little slow (motility) based on that first analysis.

SURGERY.

In September 2008, my doctor performed a bilateral varicocele repair. It was a success. Though my count has been fairly wonky (that is the scientific term) since, my morphology has greatly improved.  So really, I should be good to go.  What’s the hold up?